Enough of all this fury - let's have some poems:
Where once Norman Lamont would chew slowly on a samosa,
Where David Mellor, in his 90s heyday, would eye up the King prawn bhoonas
And John Major (sans Norma) would politely order a plain naan and korma.
Now, David Cameron, poised with a poppadom, dipped in mango chutney,
In the Tory Tandoori,
But on week nights its full, of braying broad-shouldered youths
Fresh from the boats
Steal the oxygen from the air with their brash and beery boasts
Of watery outings on the Thames
Of catching crabs
On drunken night-time rows
Blades splashing across the brown depths.
People in the public eye
No strangers to hair dye
David Cameron quick to deny
Suspiciously even chocolate locks.
Rebecca Brooks' white roots,
Still clinging to her job,
Resigned a red-topped Amazon goddess.
Today's a good day to bury grey hairs.