Sunday, 6 May 2012

Boris's Blond Ambition

So the election results were counted, and it turns out London no longer has enough earnest left-wingers to squeeze a Livingstone win.
So the talk has all been about beautiful Boris and his incredible charisma, his Cameron-challenging leadership skills, and his glorious "figurehead" status in this our magnificent "Olympic Year".
Newscasters up and down the freeview dial were chuckling about the harmless Old Etonian classicist who became the accidental ruler of the London Underground. And nemesis of the bendy bus.
And as his next four-year term overseeing cable-car projects and cycle lanes ground into action, there were already calls for him to replace the prime minister.
Could Boris be the tousled-haired saviour of British humanity in straightened times? Could the man who once said he would provide the "bubbles in the champagne" of the mayoralty simultaneously take on the deficit and steer the nation to track and field glory?
Well, the city is clearly divided on Boris's skills: there's the "oohh he's really intelligent you know, he just puts on the bumbling demeanour as a ruse" camp.
Then there's the "he's a complete buffoon, I've no idea why anybody voted for him" camp. Whatever the case, I know the man would almost certainly be dangerous as prime minister. He might be a friendly figure, but his skills in creating jobs, housing and burrowing out of recession are unproven.
Yes, Boris is certainly a figurehead. He's fantastically posh, seems to be boosting tourism (with the cablecar) and he's easily recognisable. He knows all the right questions to ask visitors (have you come far?) and knows how to shake hands.
Which brings me to my point: Surely as our ancient Queen prepares for her Jubilee next month, it's time for Boris to step up? Surely she should be invited to retire in the luxury or Balmoral, and Boris can step in as head of state? A short coronation at Westminster with appropriate multi-platform coverage should suffice.
This way, Queenie will get a nice rest, Boris will have no power whatsoever, and "the people" will get what they seem to crave: a charismatic leader in an ermine cloak to open sports centres and make a speech at Christmas.


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